Redefining Success

Redefining Success

Redefining Success | Add A Little Self-Love with Jarlin Sung
image source: www.olympic.org

I am usually not a sports fan, but I love the Olympic Games.

I love watch amazing athletes do truly extraordinary things with their bodies. I love the anticipation and the excitement and the exhilaration.

What I love the most…what touches me the most is the demonstration of human potential, of overcoming difficulties and achieving the seemingly impossible. My eyes would spontaneously well up as I hear stories of how hard work and perseverance and dedication finally results in an Olympic gold medal.

But then, there’re also the heartbreaking moments, when someone who worked just as hard missed the chance of becoming an Olympic champion or medalist by one-tenth of a second, a meter or a point.

Here are just two examples from the 2012 Olympic Games in London:

Minutes after winning the silver medal in the men’s 56kg weight-lifting event, Wu Jingbiao, China’s two-time world champion broke down in tears and apologized for letting down his country:

“I feel terribly guilty for disappointing my country, the Chinese weightlifting team and all the people who supported me. I am sorry!”

Lolo Jones of the United States, a defending world champion in the 60m hurdle, also broke down in tears on The Today Show, the day after she missed the bronze medal by just one-tenth of a second in the women’s 100m hurdle. Lolo called the results “crushing”. Her time for the race: 12.58 seconds.

Think about that: a silver Olympic medal and a 12.58 seconds time…astonishing successes no matter what standard you use, yet both athletes were devastated.

This got me thinking about success and what it means.

How Success Is Commonly Defined

Here are three common ways we as a society define success:

#1 Fame and Fortune
Fame and fortune are definitely the yardsticks by which success is most commonly measured. Whether you are considered successful has everything to do with what number is in your bank account, what house you own, what car you drive, what title or position you hold, and how many followers you have on Twitter. If you don’t have anything that allows you to act like a somebody, then you’re a nobody.

#2 One-Upmanship
Success also commonly involves a point of comparison. Whether you are successful is relative. Are you more successful than your peer group of the same age and background? Are you more successful than your friends? Do you have the biggest house on the block?

Or, do you find yourself downplaying your own accomplishments and successes because others have achieved them as well?

#3 External Approval
Finally, success is often about gaining external approval. While it is great that you managed to accomplish a goal, whether you feel successful or not often hinges on whether those around you or the public at large deem it big enough to be worthy of recognition or celebration.

And by the way, the comparison, the fame, and the fortune all come into play as to whether you receive the external approval or not.

Why Redefining Success Is Important

Now that we’ve looked at the most common definitions, I have a question for you:

How do you define success for yourself?

If you’re like most people, your definition of success is probably a combination of all three categories outlined above. No matter which definition(s) you use though, notice that they all have one thing in common: dependency on external standards.

That’s right, most of us define success based on something outside of ourselves.

Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with fame or fortune or approval. There’s also nothing wrong with striving for excellence, and being the best in competition.

The problem occurs when we start to believe that these are the only indicators of success, that they alone determine whether we are worthy, whether we’ve done enough, whether we are good enough. The problem occurs if/when some or all of these external accolades should go away, we are left without meaning or value or worth.

So we drive ourselves to the point of exhaustion trying to do more and get more, yet we are rarely happy. And we are constantly stressed.

Since the pursuit of happiness is one of the most common goals in life, wouldn’t you agree that our definitions of success aren’t serving us too well?

I think it’s time we redefine success for ourselves, in such a way so that we can feel proud and worthy and enough no matter what our external circumstances happen to be.

You have the responsibility to define success for yourself. You’re the only one who can. #SelfLove via @jarlinsung http://bit.ly/2mQQUZU

Take some time this week and ask yourself:

What does success mean to me?

It’s a question worth pondering, and you are the only one who can answer it.

To get you started with some ideas, here are some examples:

  • Success is striving to do my best, on any given day.
  • Success is spending my life doing what I find meaningful and fulfilling.
  • Success is based on what I do, not what results I achieve or what others think or say about me.

Let the external accolades become nice-to-have’s, not necessities, and definitely NOT the basis for your sense of self-worthiness.

That to me is true success.

How do YOU define success? Share in the comments below!

If you find yourself having trouble finding a definition that isn’t dependent on external standards, we should talk! 😉

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